It's Time to Fire the Canon

Let me start by saying I'm a big nerd. When I was a teenager, I read every Star Wars book I could get my hands on. At my last job, I won a campus-wide Star Wars trivia contest. I've been watching Star Wars (less so now) since as far back as I can remember.

So, when Disney bought Star Wars, as well as some other less appreciated assets of LucasFilm, my nerd sense tingled. I wondered what they'd do to this part of my upbringing.

Then I realized a few things.

1. They couldn't do much worse than what George Lucas was doing to it.

2. They didn't ruin the Muppets, something I like much more than Star Wars.

3. In the grand scope of things, it doesn't matter. While Disney's has made some stinkers, like Alice in Tim Burton-land and Oz the Great and Mysogynistic, they have made some gems. I did enjoy The Muppets, but haven't yet had a chance to see Most Wanted. However, let's assume Disney drops the ball with Star Wars VII. Does that take away from our enjoyment of all that came before?

So, when Disney announced their doing away with the EU (that's not the European Union, but rather something more important to nerds: the Star Wars extended universe), nerd rage was on a rise.

None of it came from me, though. And I'll tell you why it shouldn't be a big deal.

First off, Disney isn't destroying or obliterating these library of books. Worst case, they'll become collectors items if they're not republished. Whether or not they're canon (they never really were) doesn't change the fact that they exist.

Second, it's fiction. Really. They're not real people. When they killed off Chewbacca, people freaked. He's a fictional fuzzball. He never existed, and therefore never can die.

Besides, most nerds so caught up with canon have written something called fan fiction. For those who haven't peeked below that rock, fan fiction are stories set in the "universe" of a (usually) that tell stories not told, or told differently, by the original source.

The only difference between someone like Kevin J Anderson and Mary Sue Skywalker is that KJA got paid to do it.

So, when you consider the fact that it's fiction, the only hindrance to the story as a whole being any good is really your imagination. It doesn't matter if one official story tells it one way, it's all in how you interpret the tale.

Granted, this won't stop flame wars over whether or not Dumbledore's gay, but it's something you can carry around on the inside.

At this point, the only thing keeping the canon alive is the fact that we nerds need a common reference when discussing a particular work or body of works. Let's try something else, as a house is only as strong as it's foundation, and the canon as an idea is not that strong of a foundation.

I believe that we nerds should reference our sources when making arguments regarding fictional characters and events. And the rest of the nerds should respect that.

Think of it like arguing religion with someone who has a different Holy Book than you. After all, the word "canon" comes from religion, and the scope of a canon only extends to that subset of that religion.

Ultimately, though, much like with religions, if you find enough like minded people, you can form a group whose canon includes something not recognized by the "official" canon. There, you've started something new, something we've been doing for ages already.

Let me know what you think.

To My Hyland Successor

This is not a rant. This is merely advice.

Congratulations, you're Hyland Software's newest Conversion Engineer. If you're a new hire, you're probably fresh out of college. Congratulations on your new job. If you're an internal hire, congratulations on your new position.

If you're anything like the rest of the group, you're a white male, but if you're not, I'm glad to hear that Conversion Services is getting more diverse.

If you're a college hire, I hope you're making at least $70k. If you're an internal hire, I hope you're making at least $80k. Otherwise, you're not getting paid enough. Even then you're probably underpaid.

But you don't have to be underappreciated! You can be a vital asset to your team. Not only can you debug software problems for your coworkers who have been developing software longer than you, but you can also contribute new concepts to the team's way of doing things. Granted, most of your suggestions won't be heard unless you provide a solid proof of concept. And still then, be prepared for it to be straw-manned.

The best way to survive your new job is as follows:

1. If you don't have a family, great. Try not to develop any committed relationships. You'll eventually have to choose, and in this case, there's no right answer. Just ask your coworkers. One is in the process of getting a divorce, and is losing out in more ways than one, as his ex is a lawyer. Another has a daughter who's recently come to need psychiatric help, as daddy's little princess isn't daddy's little priority anymore. Another sees women as a means to an end. Finally, the last, while a family man, has kids that complain to mom that they don't see dad enough. If you are in a relationship, set some ground rules with your partner, as that's the only edge in this triangle who will bend.

2. All work-sponsored events are optional, but not really. If you're not part of the culture, you're not part of the family that Hyland claims it treats it's employees like. The only time they're optional is when they interfere with your job, even when they're mandatory.

3. All department-sponsored events are the same. It's more important for you to go to Swings-n-Things with your department than attend a benefits meeting with HR.

4. All group activities are the same too. If you get invited to play poker, play poker. If you're a compulsive gambler, well, just deal with it. If you don't drink, well, start. If you're not one of them, you're not one of them.

5. Don't bother coming in early. Nobody cares. Even if you come in 2 hours before everybody else, they'll want you to stay 2 hours past the time most people leave.

6. Vacations and holidays are optional. While you don't get reimbursed for these if they're not taken, be prepared to work through select holidays. And if you schedule a vacation, be prepared to take a laptop with you. You just better hope they have good 4G reception where you're going.

7. In fact, you had better sleep with your phone. This helps if you're already doing 1.

8. If life happens to you, you're just out of luck. A leaky roof? Well, put a bucket under it until the next conversion project is done.

9. Make sure your management knows how important your work is to you. Project a sense of urgency, because if they don't see it, they will assume the opposite.

10. Don't ever go to HR for problems with management. If you have a problem with management and it's not breaking the law, deal with it. If it is, tell the press. You'll lose your job, but make a killing in publicity rights.

11. Keep the resume updated and don't bring anything important with you to work. You could be fired at the drop of a hat. And they'll treat you like a criminal trespasser when they terminate your employment. So, if you want your personal affects to not be far away, don't take 'em to work.

That's a smattering of my advice.

Be prepared for a lot of doublethink. Be prepared to love your job even if you hate it. Be prepared to be passionate about what you do, even if it's only a means to survival. Be prepared to put everything that's important to you on the back burner. Be prepared to "walk through a brick wall for a customer".

Be prepared to work at Hyland.

Sofia At The End of Time

When you're the father of a young child, you find yourself watching Disney Junior from time to time. When you have a daughter, you tend to watch Sofia the First.

The premise of the show follows a girl, Sofia, whose mother, the village cobbler, makes a pair of shoes for the king, Roland II. The king then marries the woman, and he incorporates the two into his royal family, including his two children. As a welcome-to-the-family gift, Roland gives Sofia a special amulet which secretly grants her the ability to talk with animals and to summon Disney Princesses during dire situations.

The show, true to Disney's more recent endeavors, features a world populated by a homogeneous mixture of races. While each kingdom represented in the show has a real world parallel (if not in the UN, then definitely in EPCOT), the Kingdom of Enchantsia, Sofia's home kingdom seems mostly based on America, granted, with a king.

In a discussion with my wife one day after a Sofia marathon, the subject came up of where this show took place. After much debate, we determined that it's not meant to be a past version of our world, as every Disney princess is supposed to appear at one point, including Pocahontas, who lived around the 1600s.

[Edit: I forgot to include Tiana. That pushes the date forward to the 1920s.]

That left two really solid hypotheses: 1. That Sofia et al. live on a different planet that somehow has access to Disney media, or my personal favorite: 2. That Sofia the First takes place in a distant, post-apocalyptic future earth, where the only culture to survive is Disney. Sofia's amulet, the Amulet of Avalor, is a remaining piece of Imagineer technology, allowing her to summon projections of all the Disney Princesses.

The kingdoms themselves are close enough together where they could conceivably be on the remains of the Disney parks and resorts.

Nevertheless, Sofia the First helps support my Grand Unified Theory of Disney. I'll probably talk about it at length several times, but the gist is: every Disney movie (etc.) takes place in a shared universe.

If you have any addition theories regarding Sofia, I'd be glad to hear them.

Hello, Again

Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Jacob. I currently live is a quiet town in Northeast Ohio. I am married, have a daughter, and have a cat.

I work in the software industry, but also enjoy writing. While I haven't made much money from my writing, I still enjoy doing it.

In my free time, I read or work on my house, when I'm not spending that time with my family.

I hope to start blogging once again. I'll try to blog regularly, and talk about topics that interest me. Feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

I guess that's it for now. Happy reading!